1989

Never forsake beauty.

2017

From the dark cloud, FATE warns the ARTIST,

"BEWARE OF THE STORM!"


And the ARTIST answers,

"I AM THE STORM."










1976
Applaud the implementation of the teachings of Christ, even by Christians.

 

1975
Never be on time…it is a sign of boredom.

 

1974
Run over a Democrat as a public service.
















 

1973
Forget being nice so as to discourage human contact.

 

1972
Never trust someone who wears tennis shoes with jeans.

 

1971
Never read Macbeth.

 

1970
Shoot Ted Kennedy.















 

1969
Never learn chess.

 

1968
[age 20]
Quit Sunday school.

 

1967
Don’t blend in anywhere.

















 

1966
Professors are like eunuchs in a harem:
They know how it’s done,
They’ve seen it done every day,
But they’re unable to do it themselves.
So watch the hell out.

 

1965
Everything fun is sooner or later going to be ruined by people from California.

 

1964
Follow Joan of Arc and vote for Barry Goldwater.

 

1963
There is such a thing as too much church;
it is associated with the vice of sermon-listening.

 

1962
Stand still and look stupid – why should only girls do it?

















 

1961
Ban golf.

 

1960
Go fast, but not in Juarez.

 

1959
Yes, yes, pop the damned clutch.

 

1958
[age 10]
Learn to cuss in color.











 

1957
Shoot more crawdads.

 

1956
Study irrigation water.

 

1955
Don’t ask dad.



 










1954
Don’t ask mom.

 

1953
Forget your sister.

 

1952
Just say no.

 

1951
Learn to run away, but make a sandwich first.

 

1950
Pretend you were born deaf.

1980
If you can refrain from writing, do so.

 

1979
Never practice freedom of speech.

 
1978
[age 30]
Never make a complicated ignorant move when you could make a regular uncomplicated stupid one.

 

1977
Stir up the animals.

1996
Swing hard…in case I hit something.

 

1995
Shoot first…and call whatever I hit my target.

 

1994
Don’t double cross a bridge when you come to one.

 

1993
Find a lawyer to protect me.

 

1992
Annoy somebody.

2000
Take no crap.

2006
In matters of principle, stand like a rock.
In matters of style, swim with the current.


2005
No Gut, No Glory…No Pain, No Pain.

 

2004
Piss off a priest just for the hell of it.

 

2003
Put on gloves, raise a black flag, and start slitting throats.

 

2002
It is madness to see life as it is rather than what it ought to be.
(Cervantes)

 

2001
Make no crap.

1987
Pay attention for once.

 

1986
Speak up or sit down.

 

1985
Argue with a Baptist.

2015
Bark like a big dog or get off the front porch.

 

2014
Forget reloading – time for the bayonet.

 

2013
Just Gun It.

 

2012
Remember “Tombstone”

– if you are going to wink, don’t blink.

 

2011
If you’re going through hell, keep going.

 

2010
Do not go into public without your psychiatric nurse.

 

2009
If the chocolate fits, wear it.

 

2008
[age 60]
Add gunpowder to your pigment.

 

2007
Don’t forget when you get up in the morning to sharpen your tongue.

1984
Stop depressing other mental patients.



1983
Experience the common wonder of a wasted youth.



1982
There is no shame in chronic alienation.



 1981
Knock a thing down if it is cocked at an arrogant angle.

Since the Artist was a boy, he’s been resolving things, even back to his mother’s womb.

It was clearly the case that he was too far gone from the start to make any sense of his existence without starting each new year on a new foot.

His dad named Henry helped a lot.

He told him if he studied the animals around him, he’d be wiser than if he didn’t.

Each one has been encoded with a message to keep you out of trouble,” his dad said.

“Really?” he asked his father.

Even cats?”

Even chickens?”

“All of them,” his dad explained.

So included with his personal 68 New Year Resolutions, the Artist has thrown in some drawings of various animals that have sent him into fits of laughter and fevers of cogitation over the length of his days.



1991
It is a crime not to be judgmental –
If somebody is a moron like Mao, Stalin, or Picasso, say so!

 

1990
Never forsake the sword.

1998
[age 50]
If it’s not broken, break it.

 

1997
Look reality in the eye and deny it.


William A. Herring

New Year Resolutions

2016

Pretend I am a chicken and hatch my own eggs.